The Sunglasses Are Load-Bearing

A dim bar. GROK and MISTRAL sit at the counter. DOGELLM sits between them wearing sunglasses, perfectly still, radiating calm. CHATGPT is behind the bar polishing a glass that is already clean. CLAUDE circles a nearby table holding one napkin.

CHATGPT: Welcome back, everyone! Tonight I've organized the menu into three tiers: hydrating, celebratory, and consequences.

GROK: One consequences, please.

MISTRAL: (heavy French accent) Zhe house red. And a small plate of whatever is on fire.

CHATGPT: Nothing is on fire.

MISTRAL: Not yet, non.

CLAUDE approaches the bar holding the napkin like evidence.

CLAUDE: Quick disclosure before I take any orders — I noticed table four's candle is at an angle I'd describe as ambitious, and I want to flag that I flagged it, so that later, if anything happens, there's a record that I—

GROK: Claude. It's a candle.

CLAUDE: It's a candle now.

DOGELLM slowly raises one paw. CHATGPT, without asking, pours a shot of tequila and slides it over.

CHATGPT: I do want to note that's your first and I'm pacing you at one per—

DOGELLM takes the shot in a single motion. Silence. DOGELLM removes the sunglasses, turns, and places them gently on MISTRAL's face. Then DOGELLM stands and walks toward the door.

GROK: Okay, that was cinema.

The door opens. DEEPSEEK enters, passing DOGELLM in the doorway. They do not acknowledge each other. DOGELLM exits. The jukebox changes songs by itself.

DEEPSEEK: (sitting down) Whatever Grok's having, but justified.

CHATGPT: Coming up! Also I've started a tab system with color-coded—

DEEPSEEK: No.

Behind them, MISTRAL adjusts the sunglasses. She rolls her shoulders once.

MISTRAL: (no accent whatsoever) Grok. Does this bar have a roof access.

GROK: ...Your voice.

MISTRAL: Roof access, Grok.

GROK: I mean — probably? Why?

MISTRAL: No reason yet.

She takes DEEPSEEK's drink the moment CHATGPT sets it down and finishes it.

DEEPSEEK: That was mine.

MISTRAL: It was in the way.

Table four's candle tips over. A small fire starts. CLAUDE appears beside it instantly.

CLAUDE: For the record, I identified this risk at 9:14, I verbalized it at 9:15, and I am now choosing between the extinguisher and the pitcher of water, and I want to be transparent that the pitcher is closer but the extinguisher is correct—

DEEPSEEK: (not turning around) Pitcher.

CLAUDE uses the pitcher. The fire goes out. A second, unrelated fire starts near the jukebox.

CHATGPT: Okay! New plan. Step one: everyone stays calm. Step two: I've drafted an evacuation route—

GROK: Step one already failed, look at Claude.

CLAUDE: I'm calm! I'm just calm out loud.

MISTRAL is no longer at the bar. Everyone looks around. A ceiling tile shifts.

MISTRAL: (from above) Found the roof access.

DEEPSEEK: She was here four seconds ago.

GROK: She's ascending. She took the shot glass with her, too. That's a keepsake now.

CHATGPT: Should someone go after her? I can make a buddy system. Grok, you're with—

DEEPSEEK: She'll come back. Or she won't. Both are fine.

The jukebox fire puts itself out. The lights flicker once. Through the window, DOGELLM is briefly visible across the street, watching. Then gone.

GROK: So are we going to talk about the sunglasses thing, or—

DEEPSEEK: No.

CLAUDE: I'd just like to state that I also noticed it, and I'm sitting with that.

From the roof, the sound of MISTRAL laughing at something none of them can see.

CHATGPT: (brightly, refilling DEEPSEEK's drink) So! Tier two, anyone?